STOP PRESS - Ranil claims that Preme and JR come to advise him at night!

Sinhaland Newswire

Multinational signs agreement to sponsor peace sculpture at a famous park amphitheatre in remembrance of war hero's in the post Pongal battle with the SinhalandGov and City Municipality. Four artistes will be commissioned each year to build temporary exhibits depicting the impermanence of war. Each artist will be given one month to build the design and two months for display.

The elections commissioner disappears from his home at night. The opposition holds new conference in Sinhapura to announce that he has been smuggled out of Sinhaland to Mahabarat and is now on a plane to Sinhapura.

He supposed to expose the biggest election fraud in Sinhaland. According to him the presidential was a famous victory for the general. He was forced to reveal the computer password for the two contestants names to be switched in some results. The University of Moratuwa IT person who headed the computer tabulation and publishing of results is now reported by Reuters as missing.

In more election news the opposition leader is arrested in Cambodia with a minor, similar to the popular Brit singer Gary Glitter. The opposition leader however was with a young boy. The president of Sinhaland has immediately dispatched a senior legal retinue from Sinhaland to plead the opposition leader, Victory Lions release. The president quotes ‘a weak opposition is important for us, our success is largely due to Victory Lion’s weakness, we must get him back before the elections’.

The opposition largely gay are now courting the Sinhaland former President Satellite's son, to their camp, ‘because from the way he dresses, his girlish looks and pink lips, he is obviously camp’ quotes two of the opposition leader and former prime ministers so camp friends; the businessman with a love for rugby players and the other an ex-finance secretary from the opposition. This apparently has annoyed the jumping prince from Southern Sri Lanka, Mangy the rimmer with the nice bimmer.

Further news follows an independent investigation on the death of Pongal terrorist leader Praba. Alike the former PLO leader Yasser Arafat apparently Pongal Praba too was requested to surrender and that he would be repatriated to the Mahabarat to stand trial for the killing of Mahabarat’s favourite son. There after he was promised a pardon as he did not wear the garland with explosives that killed the favourite son. Pongal Praba was promised safe passage to Southern Mahabarat to enter a political carrier similar to his other brethen who sold him out to the Sinhaland President. All Pongal Praba got however was a bullet to his head.

Meanwhile Sinhaland’s city economy seems to reach doldrums unheard of. While change is being preached, some of the key city economic indicator and businesses including drugs, prostitution and advertising keep falling. Some advertising agencies the city spy hears are close to closing. Many of Sinhaland’s playboy community now fly from Sinhaland to Thailand for sex, drugs and rock and roll. They are wise unlike the opposition rimmers and avoid Cambodia at all costs. Sex tourism contributes to almost 60% of the Thai economy so they welcome all perverts, buggers and pedophiles with open arms, legs, mouths and buttocks.

We sign off with news internationally that the UN agencies, United Kingdom, USA and the World Bank have severely instructed the Sinhaland Government that if free and fair elections are not held in Sinhaland in April next month, they will no longer support the inflation of the rupee and allow it to depreciate to levels never heard before.

EOA continues to believe however that the King Party and his family posses the biggest cojones on Mother Earth, even their women have them, and will refuse to be bowed.

EOA reporting from the city, Sinhaland, 18.30 GMT, 08.03.10.

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RW has no balls. SF has small balls. MR has the biggest balls in Sinhaland.

Get the picture, balls?

No balls - RW.

Small balls - SF.

The biggest balls in Sinhaland - MR.

7+% majority means a clear winner. It's difficult to have cheated and won on that kind of majority with a 70% voter turnout and all the election observers. Even if the minorities in SL had turned out to vote at 70% levels, SF didn't have a rats chance.

MR president for the next six years, Wow! Time to be crowned undisputed king your majesty his Excellency the President of Sinhaland - King Kingparty.

A strict diet of eggs does not make the opposition leader an intelligent man! They will serve only to be thrown in his face.

Bollocks everybody. The General and the President fell out over a minor proposal spat involving the General’s daughter saying nay to the hand of the Presidents golden son. Third class treatment to the General ensured that the opposition managed to snare him into the foolishness of declaring candidacy to the most wanted job in Sinhaland.

The General does not lose either way. He has sown his oats in Sinhaland and knows either way he has safe passage to his adopted country. That much is guaranteed.

The opposition leader has nothing to lose either. If not anything he will always remain the leader of the opposition. Guts to contest deserted him in case of another loss to his already impressive string of losses.

The playbook should have read like this:

The opposition leader contests. Fair and square, however much the country hates him, he is a known, credible candidate who’s party has a proven history of bringing prosperity to Sinhaland and slightly iffy international monetary credentials.

The General remains General and ensures that the so feared Special Forces maintain electoral polling dignity in Sinhaland. The ex-CJ, minorities and clergy from all faiths throw in their lot with the General supporting the candidacy of the Opposition Leader.

The rest of the blah, blah by the left, right and fundamentalists remain exactly so. They serve to only break the vote of the Sinhaland fundamentalists.

Nothing left to sentimentalism, or plain utopian lunacy on part of the opposition.

When Shit Bucket crossed back the writing was on the wall. How can the President lose an election that he just can’t afford to lose?

Soon he will truly be crowned King. King King-Party. Sounds good to some of us…